Okay, so I have never needed to journal as much as I do now. Well, maybe that is an exaggeration but things are still really overwhelming right now.
First off, this has been the busiest 2 weeks I have ever had in my life. I have had a few 18 hour days and I really don't remember a day I have had where I haven't had to either go into work, go to school, or have to travel somewhere, or all 3! It is definitely taking its toll.
So I went to Chapel Hill on Friday to visit Carolina's school of Social Work. This has been my dream for about a year. I found out that only 24% of people admitted are coming straight from undergraduate schooling. They prefer work experience. I am volunteering and plan on volunteering A LOT this summer but I don't know whether it is going to be enough. The median age is 28..I'm 20. The median GPA is 3.4. Mine is a 3.26. I have no idea what my GRE scores on. I thought I was absolutely going to get in. It's the #8
ranked school of social work in the COUNTRY. No other school in the state comes close. The campus is amazingly beautiful. I want to go so bad I can't stand it. What if I don't get in? What the HELL am I going to do?
Taylor wants to go to ECU for grad school. ECU has an M.S.W. program. If we both go to ECU, (which I would kind of like to do in a way to be near the beach), then I would be away from my father. No one has told me but I think that he is not going here at most..like..a few more years. I want to be able to see him while I can. If Taylor got into ECU I would obviously go but it's going to be hard to be so far away.
Actually, this leads to another thought I have been having lately. I used to not want to get married until my dad died, because I was so embarrassed of him and I was afraid he would ruin the wedding. Now, after he has been hospitalized and has been having so much trouble, I am worried that he won't be at my wedding. I do want him to be the one to give me away, even if he does embarrass me.
Now this leads to the next thing. If I don't get into Carolina, should I start working and get experience or go to another grad school? First of all, Taylor and I have been talking a lot about getting married lately. We both want to do it within the next 2-4 years. What if I start working and we get married and I get pregnant? I already have baby fever. Birth control is not 100% effective and I'm afraid we are just biding our time until it happens. I don't know why getting married really matters but I guess I mean the longer we're together the greater the chance there is that something like that would happen. I don't want to make it so hard to go back to school.
I don't know what to do! I wish I could just make all the perfect decisions and everything would turn out great.
This all is constantly in my head and I am trying to get presentations and projects done and study for finals. This semester could potentially boost my GPA up to a 3.4.
Just...What should I do.